Love or Growth; Why Not Both? – A Woman’s Dilemma


Title: Love Or Growth; Why Not Both?
Pages: 224
Available in Paperback or eBook (Contains ePub, mobi for Kindle and PDF)


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A POWERFUL MOTIVATOR and an inspirational tool for women who stand on the edge of major change … Encourages the reader to make the jump, gently and with deep connection to Spirit and one’s intuition … A great read and hard to put down. … It’s real, very real … An intimate and beautiful story. Robin Clayfield. Author; ‘Gifts for Wild Women’

Barbara Brewster’s personal story of striving to live her burgeoning spiritual and personal truth within the context of an established relationship is the ‘raw account of a modern western woman’s journey.’ With uncompromising honesty Barbara articulates the struggle of women who seek to “follow the song of their soul.” Masterfully interweaving her personal story with pertinent quotes, Love or Growth; Why not Both? is an inspiring blend of the personal and universal. Candid and naked – like an intense sharing with a trusted and very wise friend –Love or Both; Why not Both? affirms and encourages women on their journeys.

New! You can now view a ten minute interview with Barbara regarding Love Or Growth; Why Not Both.

Forward by Ian Haycroft, Kinesiologist

Not every woman who reads Barbara Brewster’s journey in relationship will make the same choices that Barbara has, but most women who read this will have at some point in their relationships “lived the questions” that Barbara poses. In my clinical experience with my female clients, it is the fear, guilt and confusion stirred by the very existence of these questions that is shocking, not the questions themselves. The question “why do I feel trapped in this relationship?” should not itself create guilt, and yet so often women are so torn asunder by self accusation and doubt connected to this feeling that they can barely move to the next question–”do I free myself within the bounds of the relationship or beyond it?” The decades of progress in women’s rights still pale next to the eons of subconscious programming that links the value of a woman to a man. Barbara’s journaling, with its uncompromising honesty, is a tale of a woman wrestling with the centuries, pushing at the walls of the chrysalis. Man or woman, if you want to feel comfortable, do not read this book!.


THE BRAVEST JOURNEY A WOMAN CAN MAKE is to leave the safety of a comfortable life and relationship, with no idea of what lies ahead. Barbara has done it and lived to tell the tale. This book is a powerful motivator and an inspirational tool for women who stand on the edge of major change in their lives. It encourages the reader to make the jump, gently and with deep connection to Spirit and one’s intuition. … It’s also a great read and hard to put down. … It’s real, very real and I feel deeply touched to have read such an intimate and beautiful story. Thank you, Barbara for sharing it.
Robin Clayfield. Author of ‘Gifts for Wild Women’

BARBARA BREWSTER’S PERSONAL STORY eloquently articulates the dilemma of anyone wrestling with how to honor the urge for growth and to honor a relationship. Her courage and commitment to live and relate consciously will inspire many.
Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., Author of numerous books, including Love is Letting Go of Fear. Originator of Attitudinal Healing.

I LEARNED MORE ABOUT THE WAY a woman thinks and the ways a woman finds the needed support when confronted and challenged by Change and by Life. I thoroughly recommend it.
Michael J. Roads, Author: Numerous visionary fiction books

CONFRONTING AND CHALLENGING! Lots of ‘Aha’ moments and has brought about some very in-depth discussions with my husband about our relationship.
SF: Married Woman in her thirties

I HAVE BEATEN MYSELF UP for so long and this book came along and licked my wounds.
AP: Separating woman in her forties, living with her children

ALMOST ANNOYING IN ITS HONESTY… We can do nothing, waste years wondering, or we can use the present as powerful as it is, just like Barbara did, exploring her uniqueness and making mental steps to banish her “prepackaged existence” … A gift to women with serious illness. Barbara almost turns illness into a favour as she describes wisdom and understanding from her body.
JP: Radio interviewer

ALLOWED ME AN OPPORTUNITY to explore the depths of my own purpose in relationship to myself, other human beings and Spirit/God. Heartfelt gratitude!
Christine Brennan, spiritual healer & facilitator

I CAN’T THINK OF ANOTHER BOOK that so clearly presents the difficulty that a woman has combining personal growth and a loving relationship. … Beautiful writing.
Rosemary Allan, Author: Out of the Whirlwind, The Spirit of Noosa.

WOW! WHAT A REMARKABLE BOOK. I’ve embraced the words and their magnificent message. After reading Love or Growth until late last night, I had the best night’s rest in years. This morning I was able to write a letter, without blame but only love, to my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and I even sent it.
G.G.: Woman going through a separation.

READING LOVE OR GROWTH WAS as though I was reading about myself! It’s challenged my old beliefs about myself and given me the courage to REALLY grow and be true to myself.
S.B.: Nurse, counselor, married 27 years and dealing with love/growth questions.

I LOVE THIS BOOK! My wife and I sat in bed reading it together. It’s about freedom in relationships.
Wayan Rustiasa, Director, Campuhan College, Ubud, Bali[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]

Uncut Readers’ Responses

Many readers, particularly the women, have responded to LGWNB by sharing—sometimes very deeply—their personal stories and reflections. These heartfelt comments from women ‘in the trenches’ ring with authenticity. They are so powerful and illuminating that I’ve created this section for others to read.

LGWNB COULD NOT HAVE LANDED IN MY HANDS at a more appropriate time. I am going through a separation with a man I have been with for nearly 24 years. I have read MANY books, but your book is directly experiential from the word go! While reading it, I often said, “Oh my god,’” or “shit,” or a long drawn out “farrrrr ooooout” (or something similar!).
I had a good night’s sleep that has eluded me for a long time. And I started my period that I have not had for 6 months (not that I missed it all that much). The great gift is the knowing that there is someone out there that truly knows, ‘really’ knows what I am going through –and phew– I’m  the only lunatic on the planet. And now I will allow myself a good night’s sleep to bathe in the warmth and security of knowing just that. I have beaten myself up for so long and the book came along and licked my wounds.
I, too, want to acknowledge your bravery. There is a knowing awareness in you of a collective shift of consciousness on this planet, especially among woman, dare I say mostly among women, and LGWNB will indeed touch many souls and needed to be written and put out there and I thank you.
A.P., separating woman in her forties, living with her children, and running a family business.

READING BARBARA’S COURAGEOUS STORY helped clarify some previously unidentified aspects of my own journey. The pains, now healed, illustrated in her story showed what immense growth I have achieved over these recent years. Enriched by key and relevant quotes, LGWNB offered much that guided my reflections and insights at this new stage of life. This is the book for any person considering the paradox of Love or Growth. Guided by it, one might just be able to have both!
June Hope, divorced, Life Coach presenter, living alone.

I’M BLOWN AWAY! I read it in one night. Your story lays the struggle that so many of us are undergoing right out there! It gives us permission to look at and address our desire for freedom in relationship.
H.D., divorced professional woman in her forties, raising two children alone.

LGWNB IS A BEACON OF LIGHT on the path to SELF Realization. It clearly and cleanly presents the major internal issues that arise as one outgrows and seeks to be free of the more subtle codependencies that deeply permeate traditional relationships in our time. … So candid and naked, the experience of reading it feels like an intense time of one-on-one sharing with a trusted and very wise friend.
This is a book I’ll return to again and again.I particularly enjoyed the pungent quotations laced throughout the book. I feel as though I’ve just been given a piggy-back ride accelerating my progress toward my own core. I am affirmed and encouraged in my own journey!
Lillian C. Heath, D.D.S.

I WISH I HAD THIS BOOK TEN YEARS AGO when I was in exactly the same place; a great man, total support, great trips all over the world — it felt right at times. I left; he was hurt, angry, and then retreated back into being a monk, saying that I was his only love … we stayed friends for a few years. His fear was greater than his love of growing. Now I have a great partner whose whole life is growing and detaching.
This book will be so helpful to so many women–and it takes you through all the emotions of change–saying our truth, letting go of the GOO(Good Opinions Of Others). It is so rich! The detail and the honesty is truly wondrous! This book is about: TRUTH-TELLING, TRUSTING GOD WHICH IS TRUSTING SELF/HEART, FEELING SELF WITHIN, WANTING HOLY RELATIONSHIP — where each partner stands strong in wanting only God first … in following their own guidance.
Elizabeth Bunker, director of Sacred Pathways Yoga, creator of the Harvard University Yoga Program

THIS STORY IS, OF COURSE, MINE and that of many other women. Only, you have a unique way of getting to the heart of issues and verbalizing them better than anyone I know.
B.T., in her sixties. Ex-Attitudinal Healing Trainer. Happily remarried after many years alone

AT FIRST I WONDERED what it would have been like reading the manuscript if I had not met Barbara in person. Big deal – this does not matter one bit, except that the strong feeling for me was that I was glad to have met her before having the privilege of reading LGWNB.

I have to believe strongly in the timing of meeting Barbara. In those moments when my own life feels wonky, I disconnect from people. I do the “not now”, “maybe later”, “wrong time”, “don’t think so”–all those very evasive words and actions come to the fore. When I received an e-mail from the radio station I work for, asking me if I would like to interview Barbara Brewster, I did make that call (to Barbara’s publicist) and agreed to do it. A few days later, I wanted to cancel the interview, one of my evasive actions in a moment of flatness. I rang the publicist to pull out, but for some reason I could not articulate those words, “I do not want to do the interview”.

The interview went ahead and of course I felt so ridiculous for wanting to cancel it. I met the most inspiring woman in Barbara, and on top of the interview I was getting another chance to meet her as she invited me to her “Rambunctious Writing” playshop the following Sunday. I woke up on the Saturday not just a little flat but a whole lot flat. I have big energy swings which makes me two very different people. I did not like the person I was on that particular Saturday. I woke up focusing on the fact that I am female and 41 – NO KIDS, NO PROPER RELATIONSHIP, NO CAREER AND HAVING TO DEAL WITH AN INCURABLE ILLNESS (since childhood). How was I going to make it to Barbara’s playshop the following day? I did make it and in brief – it was AWESOME and gave me the perfect lift. Some of my confidence returned, along with the stronger side of my energy pool. On this day, Barbara gave me the manuscript of “Love or Growth; Why not Both?” to read and review.

This is very much Barbara’s story, but the story that many women may slot themselves into. It’s the “everyman” (or should I say “everywoman”) factor that makes it so readable. The story is almost annoying in its honesty. I found myself squirming as my mind was stirred up. All those things I have not done and know I can do – Barbara did them. She is not fiction, she is real. We can do nothing, waste years wondering, or we can use the present as powerful as it is, just like Barbara did. June 7 in the book was the most amazing day, the time that Barbara explores her uniqueness and makes mental steps to banish her “prepackaged existence”.

Love or Growth: Why not Both? is a gift to women who have serious illness and who wonder how hard it is to go it alone. I am in this boat. I wonder about dealing with illness and being alone every day. Illness can be so prohibitive. I try not to let it be so. Barbara goes one step further and almost turns illness into a favour as she describes wisdom and understanding from her body.

Barbara’s new book starts with a question and ends with many answers. Read it and you have a handbook, written by a “real” person. Not all the chapters will fit your life, but I assure you that you will find yourself in there somewhere, searching just like Barbara. You might even find yourself in Sid or Mike or one of the other people and let me say, there are a few lessons to be learnt there too! Go for it Barbara – get this book out on the shelves!
J.P., radio interviewer

READING LGWNB WAS AS THOUGH I WAS READING ABOUT MYSELF! It’s challenged my old beliefs about myself and given me the courage to REALLY grow and be true to myself.
S.B., nurse, counselor, married 27 years and dealing with love/growth questions

TO HAVE A BALANCE BETWEEN “TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE” and being so self–centred and selfish that it disconnects you from other people and the contribution that they can make to your life and you to theirs, is a struggle which many people face. … Love or Growth; Why not Both contains the best description of that struggle that I have read. … While I would not advocate some of the directions or the answers Barbara has, this is her story; by sharing her unique journey she has given us useful insights.

I wish that I had access to this level of understanding 27 years ago when I began my ministry. It would have been easier to understand and support several women whom I encountered when they were going through similar struggles; they and their spouses and their teenage children. This book would be a resource that many counselors could find quite useful.
The Reverend Frank Phillips, Anglican priest

STRONG AND POWERFUL. A very important book. The weaving of the personal story and the incredible quotes gives it a richness, a blend of the personal and universal.
H.Z., living alone. Change management consultant.

BRAVO! BARBARA HAS DIVED DEEPLY into the opaque pool of the relationship psyche, dipped into the opaque less conscious levels, come out alive and brought us with her. In LGWNB Barbara explores the intricate dance of relationship, clearly describing how even a miniscule shift in one partner’s consciousness challenges the other to change and growth. Barbara has explained the unexplainable, which I’m sure will help many who are trying to sort out feelings and logic in their relationships.
Carlin Diamond, therapist, astrologer, teacher, & author of Love It, Don’t Label It.

WOW! WHAT A JOURNEY! You went through such a deep spiritual path and really delved into the depths of your soul! I am so impressed and appreciate how you have shared yourself with other women who may also need to evolve into their “true selves.” You have the gift of truly being able to help and change a life!!! So thank you!
D.O., Montessori school teacher, in her early fifties, living with a partner.

THANKS FOR FILLING A MUCH NEEDED GAP when it comes to the ‘modern relationship’. Those that feel lost, are searching or questioning will have some answers thanks to LGWNB.
Gabrielle Hart of The Peacemakers Way

LGWNB REACHES OUT LIKE A HAND turning on a miracle switch. It gives permission to transcend our limitations in partnership and encourages the breeze of love to dance joyously between our union. I’m sure LGWNB will be as timely for the millions as it was for me.
Sally Gibb-Cumming, originator of the Self-Mastery Game.

WOW!! HARD TO PUT DOWN! Very confronting and very challenging! Lots of ‘Aha’ moments and has brought about some very in-depth discussions with my husband about our relationship. … You have such an ease with your writing that makes reading so enjoyable.
S.F., married woman in her thirties.

A LOVELY KIND, THOUGHTFUL, and conscious story of the untangling of a relationship with the end result the emerging of two more healed individuals. This is a wonderful model for all whose energy is being dampened by the need for freedom. Also so much wisdom is shared. Thumbs up.
T.S, woman in her 60s. Long time divorced. Self-employed wholestic practioner.

THIS BOOK NEEDS TO GO FAR AND WIDE. It will resonate with anyone traveling this path and be affirming for those who have journeyed beyond. It will touch everyone who reads it in some way. IT IS LIFE!!!!
Gillian Denny, living with a partner. Personal Development Facilitator

WOW! AFTER READING LGWNB UNTIL LATE LAST NIGHT, I had the best night’s rest in years. This morning I was able to write a letter, without blame but only love, to my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and I even sent it.
G.G., woman going through a separation

IT IS SAID THAT “IT IS THE SOUL’S DUTY to be loyal to its own desires, and not abandon itself to its master passion … .” As women we were brought up to look for a man that will love, protect and look after us, and when we found this man, our lives would be complete and perfect … We know in reality there is no perfection as such …but within the subconscious the echo of that past statement still bounces off our minds. ..Barbara had found that in her partner, so to remove herself from that ‘portrayed perfection’ and follow the song of her soul took more strength than I think most of us could find within ourselves. Or, if found, fearing the loss of ‘the perfect picture’ would we be able to follow it through? … Barbara has shown us that her Soul was loyal to itself … and the ‘real’ journey to her completeness has begun.
Kris Waldron, writer and radio presenter

I LOVE THE INTEGRATION BETWEEN THE STYLE of self-help book and ‘novel’ or at least your journey. It keeps me interested and thirsting for more.
Skye MacLeish, osteopath, convener of ‘The Woman I Am’ seminars.

VERY INSPIRING AND HARD TO PUT DOWN. I admire your courage to choose your personal growth over the comfort zone so many of us fear moving out of. I actually struggle a bit with the living alone concept and my self-esteem needs a jolt every now and then. I also saw some of Sid’s qualities in me, which made me reassess some issues. I enjoyed the book and the writing style, and have no doubt it will inspire readers.
H.D., separated businesswoman

BARBARA’S HEART-OPEN STYLE in sharing her own journey through love and growth is an inspiration to us all. The ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’ that had seemed so real during the process evidently melted into a deep opening to Barbara’s own inner spirit and wisdom. Her writing is totally engaging and allowed me an opportunity to explore the depths of my own purpose in relationship to myself, other human beings and Spirit/God. Heartfelt gratitude!
Christine Brennan, spiritual Healer & Facilitator

THIS BOOK SPEAKS TO EVERYWOMAN – across the ages… Reading it, my mind has done all sorts of somersaults. I love the writing  – and all the inspirational quotes …I must now read to the very end – every word!
Ingrid Bourke, ‘TechnoShaman’. Lives alone by deliberate choice but is open to the odd passionate affair.

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